Mayhem at the Cullens
by Baby-M-xo
Summary: Oneshot: A Mass Destruction - Emmet Style. A children's playhouse, a family of vampires, and a toy store. What could possibly go wrong? First oneshot in my new series. Rate and Review pretty please with choco sauce and cherries on top! :-D x


Mayhem at the Cullen's Mayhem at the Cullen's

By Baby-M-xo

**An: **Hello my loyal followers. :) How has everyone been? Sorry I haven't updated in a while a lot has been happening. It is the summer holidays and I was planning on updating all my stories but I have had school work plus stuff has been happening in my family which isn't too good. But tomorrow I am taking my 5 year old niece to see Kung Fu Panda, so that should be fun. If anyone has seen it I am interested to know what you thought of it so mention it in a review or PM me. Well this is the new title for a bunch of one-shots my brain seems to come up with. Some of them may involve Bella and Edward's kids; some may not just depends on what I feel like writing. Anyways, please review because I hardly get any feedback these days and it is much appreciated. Let the stories commence! Peace out :D x

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight, Transformers, Disney's Peter Pan, Toys 'r' us, or Hannah Montana's - Best of Both Worlds. Although it's my birthday soon, so I might ask for Edward Cullen. Lol. :D x

Mayhem at the Cullen'sA Mass Destruction - Emmet Style.

**Bella POV.**

I don't know how it happened - but it was a miracle. I now had everything I could ever want in my life. I married Edward on August 5th 2008 and shortly before I was due to be changed I fell pregnant and both kids were Edward's. God blessed us with two beautiful children - a boy and a girl. I got to choose our son's name whilst Edward named our daughter. Our son was called Ethan Carlisle Jasper Emmet Cullen and our little girl was called Eilidh Alice Esme Rosalie Cullen. We choose those names because Ethan means firm/strong and Eilidh is a diminutive form of Alice and Elizabeth, we gave them the Cullen's names as their middle names because they had done so much for both Edward and I and we were very grateful. Shortly after giving birth I was changed so I am now a vampire and we have half vampire children who will decide when they are older if they want to become full vampire. We all live in Seattle and I no longer see my parent's or anyone from school. We all get on great together - even me and Rosalie who have so much fun together. Right now the twins are four years old and are spoiled rotten by everyone. It's a normal sort of day today - it's cloudy but it was sort of warm. We were all sitting in the large living room playing with Ethan and Eilidh. Ethan was sitting on his Uncle Jasper's lap and they were playing Transformers with Emmet, Edward and Carlisle and Eilidh was playing dress up with me, Alice, Rosalie and Esme. Eilidh was so much like Alice, it was unbelievable. She loved shopping and getting her hair done - which she obviously doesn't get from me. Eilidh has dark brown, curly hair which sits just past her shoulder's and has beautiful green eyes. Ethan has inherited his father's untidy, bronze hair but he has my - well used to have - chocolate brown eyes, because both our children are half vampire they have some human traits, they both eat and sleep and they both grow. I know your thinking it's weird and it is but I wouldn't change them for anything in the world. Oh no, Emmet is jumping up and down this isn't a good sign …

"Oh! I have a brilliant idea," shouted Emmet as he continued jumping up and down.

"Emmet! Don't be so stupid," growled Edward, he had obviously read his thoughts.

"Oh Emmet! What a brilliant idea!" squealed Alice.

Eilidh made her way over to Edward, who had his arms open waiting for her to take her place in them.

"Daddy, what's wrong with Uncle Emmy?" asked Eilidh as she hid her face in Edward's neck.

"He's just being a silly cookie," Edward whispered in her ear. Eilidh giggled. Edward was brilliant with Eilidh and Ethan; it was wonderful how much love and attention he gave them.

"No, I am not being silly Eddie, it's a good idea. Honestly," replied an enthusiastic Emmet.

"Let's hear it then," said Jasper who was still focussing on playing Transformers with Ethan.

"We should go and buy a playhouse for Ethan and Eilidh," said Emmet.

"That isn't such a bad idea son," said Carlisle. It was a shock to everyone that Carlisle agreed with Emmet - it was something that never happened, especially since the last time he agreed with him and it ended up with him getting himself and I chucked out of Wal-Mart.

"Uncle Jasper, what's a playhouse?" asked Ethan who stopped trying to defeat Jasper's Megatron action figure.

"It's a house that you have in your back garden and can play outside in," answered Jasper.

"Cool!" exclaimed Ethan and Eilidh at the same time.

"Would you like to go pick one today?" asked Esme as she bent down to the kid's level.

"Yes please nana," said Ethan and Eilidh.

"Okay, well go and get your shoes and coats on then come back here," Esme instructed he twins then they ran from the room.

"Okay Emmet, listen now and listen good," Rosalie hissed. "If you break the playhouse we buy for Eilidh and Ethan, or you attempt to play in it with or without them, even if you so much as look at it I will personally cut you up into little pieces, cook you and then feed you to grizzly bears. Get it? Got it? Good."

"Yes Rose, I understand perfectly well," mumbled Emmet.

"Mommy! Daddy! Let's go!" shouted Ethan and he came and grabbed my hand.

"Come on guys, lets go!" said Eilidh as Carlisle picked her up.

"Let's go then princess," said Carlisle as he led the rest of us out of the house and to the garage.

**No POV**

The family made their way to the garage and decided what cars they were taking and who was riding with whom. In the end they had Carlisle's Mercedes and Emmet's monster truck jeep because he could fit the playhouse on the boot. Riding in the jeep was Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, Eilidh and obviously Emmet. In Carlisle's Mercedes were Carlisle, Esme, Edward, Bella and Ethan. The Cullen family departed and were now on their way to a toy store in Seattle to get the youngest Cullen's - or maybe Emmet, a playhouse. The journey in the Mercedes was peaceful but in Emmet's jeep, chaos was just beginning.

**In Emmet's Jeep**

"Can we get a pink playhouse auntie Alice?" asked Eilidh

"No! I am not playing in a pink playhouse," said Emmet. "I mean, I don't think Ethan will want to play in a pink playhouse." Emmet was now receiving death glares from Rosalie.

"I would like a pink playhouse!" protested Ella

"We're not getting a pink playhouse" replied Emmet

"Pink playhouse!"

"No!"

"Pink playhouse please!"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Cause"

"Cause what?"

"Just because"

"Why?"

"Because we are not getting a pink playhouse"

"Enough!" shouted Rosalie; she was getting sick of Emmet arguing with a four year old.

"Please Auntie Alice," Eilidh asked again.

"Eilidh, why don't we get a wooden playhouse and we could paint it," said Jasper

"Oh Jasper! What a brilliant idea," squealed Alice, now she had another excuse for a shopping trip.

"Auntie Rose, are we there yet?" asked Eilidh

"Nearly, we only have another 10 minutes left," Rosalie said.

"Uncle Emmy, can you put one of our cd's on please?" asked Eilidh

"Of course," said Emmet. Emmet turned on the CD player and one of the most awful songs came on. It was the only song that you knew both Eilidh and Emmet would listen too.

"I love this song!" shouted Emmet and Eilidh.

"_Oh yeah,_

_Come on,_

_You get the limo out front_

_Hottest styles, every shoe, every colour,_

_Yeah, when you're famous it can be kinda fun_

_It's really you but no one ever discovers,_

_In some ways you're just like all your friends_

_But on stage you're a star_

_You get the best of both worlds_

_Chill it out, take it slow_

_Then you rock out the show_

_You get the best of both worlds_

_Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both worlds_

_The best of both worlds_

_You go to movie premiers (is that Orlando Bloom?)_

_Hear your songs on the radio_

_Livin' two lives is a little weird (yeah)_

_But school's cool cuz nobody knows_

_Yeah you get to be a small town girl_

_But big time when you play your guitar_

_You get the best of both worlds_

_Chillin' out take it slow_

_Then you rock out the show_

_You get the best of both worlds_

_Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both_

_(You know the best) You know the best of both worlds_

_Pictures and autographs_

_You get your face in all the magazines_

_The best parts that you get to be who ever you wanna be_

_Yeah the best of both_

_You get the best of both_

_Come on best of both_

_Who would of thought that a girl like me_

_Would double as a superstar_

_You get the best of both worlds_

_Chillin' out, take it slow_

_Then you rock out the show_

_You get the best of both worlds_

_Mix it all together and you know that it's the best,_

_You get the best of both worlds_

_Without the shades and the hair_

_You can go anywhere_

_You get the best of both girls_

_Mix it all together_

_Oh yeah_

_It's so much better cause__ you know you've got the best of both worlds" _Emmet and Eilidh sang. When the song had finished Jasper was the first one to break the silence.

"That has to be one of the worst moments of my life," said Jasper

"Uncle Jasper, did you not our singing?" asked Eilidh

"No, you're singing was great, it's just I could never see Uncle Emmy singing Hannah Montana," replied Jasper.

"Right well no that's over, here we are," said Rosalie as Emmet pulled into the parking lot at Toys 'r' us.

"Yay!" squealed Alice and Eilidh as the hopped out of the jeep.

**Edward's POV**

As Carlisle parked the Mercedes I noticed Emmet's jeep pulling into the spot next to us and Alice and Eilidh hopping out of the jeep. Bella unbuckled Ethan from the booster seat he was sat on and I went over to greet the rest of my family.

"Daddy!" shouted Eilidh as she spotted me walking towards her. No matter how many times she says "daddy" I will never get tired of hearing it.

"Hello princess, how was the ride in Uncle Emmy's jeep?" I asked as I scooped the four year old up into my arms.

"It was okay. Me and Uncle Emmy were arguing over the colour of the playhouse and then Uncle Jasper sorted it out. Then both me and Uncle Emmy sang Hannah Montana!" said Eilidh

"Well that sounds fun, now let's go and see about this playhouse," I said as we entered the huge toy store that lay before us. Today was certainly going to be interesting.

Toys 'r' us was never going to look the same again after the Cullen's had been in it. Let's just say having to find another toy store to shop at now was most definite. It turned into a disaster as soon as the Cullen clan stepped into the large store. Most of the damage was caused by Emmet but it wasn't entirely his fault, lets just say two hyperactive four year olds had something to do with it as well.

_Flashback_

"_Ahhhhhhh!" screamed Emmet as he crashed into a display of Transformer action figures whilst trying to turn the toy jeep that he was much to big for._

"_Emmet, get off of that jeep now!" shouted Esme._

"_No! I'm having fun, mum," replied Emmet as he reversed and continued to drive around the large toy store._

"_Daddy look at me!" squealed Eilidh as she added more speed to the toy jeep she was driving, she was imitating her Uncle Emmet._

"_Eilidh, sweetheart that's dangerous, don't do …" Edward said then trailed off because his little girl suddenly went head first into a stack of teddy bears._

"_Eilidh! Are you okay?" asked Carlisle as he walked at human speed over to the four year old who was lying amongst the soft creatures._

"_Let's do that again papa!" said Eilidh as she stood on her two feet._

"_Lets not, now lets go pick this playhouse," said Carlisle as he led her over to the outdoor toys section._

"_Ethan, baby, lets go pick this playhouse now," said Bella as she grabbed the four year old off of the trampoline he was currently bouncing on._

"_Emmet, I'm going to set you on fire when we get home!" screeched Rosalie who was dragging Emmet by the ear over to where the rest of the family stood._

"_Uncle Jasper, Auntie Rose won't really set Uncle Emmy on fire will she?" asked a shocked Ethan._

"_No of course she won't," said Jasper. "But if he keeps going the way he's going I will." Jasper made sure he mumbled the last bit under his breath._

_The Cullen family now stood looking at different playhouses, however they didn't notice that one of their family members were missing._

"_Mommy, where's Auntie Alice?" asked Ethan_

"_I have no idea baby, probably in the shop somewhere," replied Bella._

_Oh how right she was. Alice was dashing about the shop like a woman possessed with a trolley full of toys and other delightful stuff that would keep the youngest Cullen's occupied for a good few days. In the trolley there was a Nintendo Wii, a leaflet that had the barcode for a 14ft trampoline on it, a new baseball bat and ball, Nintendo Wii games and loads of other stuff. _

_Meanwhile with the rest of the family …_

"_I think we should get this one," said Edward as he pointed to the large, wooden frame in the catalogue that he was currently looking at._

"_Yeh, I agree. That looks like a decent enough playhouse, what do you think kids?" asked Bella._

"_Yeh, I like that one mommy," said Ethan._

"_Me too," agreed Eilidh._

"_Well that's the playhouse sorted, now let's go find Auntie Alice," said Esme as she finished writing down the details of the playhouse._

_As the family left the outdoor toys isle, an echoing crash was heard throughout the shop. There could only be one person small and fast enough to cause a crash that sounded like that. Alice._

"_You don't think that was…" said Bella._

"_Alice?" asked Edward._

_Jasper took off at vampire speed to see where his wife had disappeared too. As he turned the corner into the boys toys section there lay Alice beside an upside down trolley and a lot of toys scattered about her._

"_Alice, love, are you okay?" questioned Jasper as he sat down beside his wife._

"_I'm fine, just crashed the trolley. No big deal," said Alice as she sprang to her feet and gathered the scattered toys up and put them back in the trolley._

"_Um…okay. Well we need to go now, everyone's at the checkout," said Jasper ass he walked at the same pace as his pixie-like wife._

"_Okay, let's go pay for all of this then," chirped Alice as she bounced towards the checkout._

_Jasper and Alice took their places with the rest of their family and unloaded the trolley. Once everything was unloaded onto the checkout Alice's eyes glazed over and she had a vision._

"_Alice, what's wrong?," Esme asked._

"_Oh no! Emmet noooooo!" screeched Alice to no one in particular._

"_What's Emmet going to do Alice?" asked Esme._

"_Wait and see, but it's going to end in trouble," replied Alice._

"_3…2…1… now," said Alice and at that exact moment it sounded like two boulders had crashed together._

_Emmet and Jasper were lying next to each other, both dressed in Transformer costumes, laughing their socks off. Emmet and Jasper decided that since they were in the toy store they may as well have some fun. So Emmet came up with the idea of them dressing up, Emmet was Optimis Prime and Jasper was dressed up as Bumblebee. They had decided to fight each other and whoever won got 50 dollars, unfortunately when they ran at each other and crashed the manager of the shop came out to see both teenage boys lying in a pile laughing, she obviously wasn't amused._

"_What do you two think you are doing?" She asked in a serious tone._

"_Playing, what does it look like we're doing?" replied Emmet._

"_Aren't you a bit old to be dressing up?" asked the manager_

"_Are you saying we're old?" asked Jasper_

"_Yes, you and your brother are both too old to be dressing up as Transformers," She replied matter-of-factly._

"_Are you discriminating against us?" asked Emmet_

"_No, what I would like to know is why you're destroying my shop?" _

"_We're not destroying your precious shop,"_

"_Don't get smart with me now, I am not in the mood,"_

"_Jeeso woman, don't get your knickers in a twist," said Emmet_

"_Good one bro," said Jasper as he high-fived his brother_

"_Where are you parents?" asked the manager_

"_I don't know, why don't you go and find them," said Jasper_

"_I think I will just do that, both of you's are in SERIOUS trouble,"_

"_Can you spell serious lady, cause you look pretty stupid?" asked Emmet_

"_Emmet, you're not helping," growled Jasper_

"_That's it get out of my shop and don't EVER, EVER come back!" screeched the manager._

"_EDWARD!" shouted Jaspe__r and Emmet as they threw themselves to the floor and pretended to be having a tantrum._

_The other shoppers in the shop just walked past them and tutted. _

"_What seems to be the problem … Helen?" asked Edward as he glanced at the name tag the manager was wearing._

"_Your children are destroying my shop!" shouted Helen._

"_Well I can assure you they will be punished," said Edward as he tried to dazzle the poor, distressed woman standing in front of him._

"_Oh they already have! You and your family are band from my shop and stop trying to dazzle me! It won't work!" screeched Helen as she stomped off and back through the door she came out of._

"_Both of you, MOVE NOW!" growled Edward as he walked off to find the rest of the family._

_End of Flashback._

"Looks like Eddie's charm doesn't work on everyone after all," said Emmet as the family got ready to head home.

"Emmet, you're going to suffer when you get home," said Edward as he got into Carlisle's Mercedes.

"So this bit goes where?" asked Emmet as he held one of the panels for the playhouse in his hands.

"I have no idea," said Jasper who was looking at the instructions.

"Jasper, it may help if you had the instructions the right way instead of upside down," pointed out Edward.

"I think this panel goes with this panel," said Carlisle as he picked up and identical panel to the one Emmet had in his hands.

The girls and the two youngsters sat surrounding the patio table were laughing their heads off at their husbands (and father).

"Mommy, do you think daddy will have it built by today?" asked Eilidh.

"I'm not sure baby, by the way things look maybe not," said Bella.

"Nana, I'm hungry," said Ethan as he looked up at Esme.

"Okay, well let's go and get you and your sister something to eat," said Esme as she took Ethan and Eilidh into the house.

"Rose, could you maybe come and give us some help," shouted Emmet.

"Hah-a no! You're the men, you build the playhouse," said Rose as she continued to talk to Bella and Alice.

**Bella's POV**

Maybe I should go help them. I still remember how to do quite a lot of human things from my previous life and I used to be quite good at reading instructions.

"Emmet, do you want me to help?" I said to him.

"Would you really Bells? That would be great, Thank you!" said Emmet as he handed me the instructions.

"Okay, Edward the panel you have goes with the panel Jasper has so we need to nail them together," I instructed Edward. _**(No idea if this is how playhouses are built, but just work with me please.)**_

"Carlisle, the panel you have goes with the panel Emmet has so they need to be nailed together," I said

"Then you join all four panels together. The roof panels can now be nailed on too, then the window frames then finally the door," I said then I walked over to sit with everyone else whilst the guys finished building the playhouse.

"Wow Bella, where did you learn to build playhouses?" asked Alice.

"I read the instructions like any normal person would," I replied in a duhh tone.

"Bella, do you think you could help me then?" asked Alice.

"Um… sure. With what though?" I asked.

"I need you to help me build the fourteen foot trampoline I bought Ethan and Eilidh," said Alice.

"Um… okay. I will help you," I said as I trailed behind Alice to fetch the trampoline from the car.

After a good three hours hard work both the playhouse and the trampoline stood in the back garden as a monument to the hard work, time, and effort it took to build them. Everyone was pleased with there work and decided it was time for it to be tested. Alice had bought Eilidh and Ethan stuff to put in the playhouse so once it was all set up we left the children to their own devices and just sat in the back garden and enjoyed the night.

"Right kids, time for bed," I called to the children who were still playing in the playhouse.

"Please mommy, another 5 minutes?" asked Ethan

"It's getting late, it's already 10.30pm. But you can play in the playhouse tomorrow," I said.

"Okay mommy," said Eilidh as her and Ethan came out of the playhouse and ran into the house to get their pyjama's on and their teeth brushed.

Every night, we would all go into Ethan's room or Eilidh's room and read a bedtime story then put them in their beds. Tonight would be no exception, so as we settled down in Ethan's room and read a story both our children fell asleep. Edward and I both put Eilidh and Ethan in their bed's then Edward put the cd of the lullaby he had written for them on, it was sort of like a comfort thing.

"Let's go sit outside in the garden, it's such a lovely night," said Alice.

"Yeh, we can sit and enjoy it," I said as we all took our places around the patio table.

Do you think that playhouse is safe?" asked Emmet. "Maybe someone you should test it, just to be on the safe side."

"Emmet, my lovely husband. If this is you hinting about playing in the playhouse then the answer is no! The playhouse is perfectly safe, both Eilidh and Ethan have been playing in it all day," said Rosalie.

"I was just saying," muttered Emmet under his breath.

Suddenly Alice sprang up from her seat and headed over to the trampoline. She kicked of her shoes and started bouncing on it.

"Why is Alice allowed on the trampoline and I'm not allowed in the playhouse?" complained Emmet.

"Emmet, have you seen the size of Alice compared to you?" questioned Jasper.

Everyone in the group just laughed at Emmet. It was getting colder out and even though we vampires don't feel the heat we decided to head indoors and find something to occupy us since we don't sleep. We decided to watch one of Ethan and Eilidh's Disney movies. We picked Peter Pan and settled down to watch it…

Half way through the movie Emmet disappeared somewhere but none of us questioned the non existence of him till we smelt something that smelt like toasted marshmallows and smoke. I paused the movie and got up to investigate. Out in the back garden, there was a glowing light coming from inside the playhouse.

"EMMET! ARE YOU STUPID!?" I screeched, by this point Edward, Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, Carlisle and Esme were all standing next to me.

"Bell love? What's Emmet doing?" asked a confused Edward

"He has built a camp fire inside our children's playhouse and is toasting marshmallows on the flames!" I said.

"Emmet! What did I say to you about the playhouse?!" shouted Rosalie.

"You told me not to play in it, but I couldn't resist. Have a marshmallow babe," said Emmet as he threw a toasty, gloopy marshmallow at Rosalie.

"Emmet, I swear to god, get out of the playhouse now before I burn you myself," said Alice.

"Jasper, could you calm everyone down?" asked Carlisle

"No, sorry. The emotions of anger are too strong, it won't work," said Jasper

"Get out of our children's playhouse NOW," growled Edward.

"No, I'm toasting marshmallows, and it's quite fun," said Emmet as he went back to what he was doing.

"The heat from the fires going to be too much for those wooden panels," pointed out Esme.

"It's going to end in trouble, what are Ethan and Eilidh going to say if they wake up and find their playhouse burnt to the ground." I said.

"We're going to have to buy a new one," said Alice

"Oh no, Emmet, you may want to get out of the playhouse now," said Carlisle as he noticed one of the wooden panels had caught fire.

"Why?" asked an oblivious Emmet.

"The playhouse is on fire dumbass," I pointed out.

"AHHHH!! Fire!" shouted Emmet as he dove out of the playhouse.

We all just stood and watched all our hard work burn to the ground. Three hours hard work and it was burnt to the ground in a matter of three minutes.

"Emmet?" said Rosalie.

"Yes babe?" asked Emmet.

"You may want to run, cause now I'm going to cut you up, cook you and feed you to grizzly bears," growled Rosalie as she chased Emmet out of the garden and through the house.

"A mass destruction," I sighed.

"No love, a mass destruction - Emmet style," said Edward as he wrapped his arms round my waist.

_**The End**_


End file.
